Dear Erik: I am a young woman, 30 years old. I had a small fight with my sister sometime in December 2023. The words that hurt me the most from her were: “If we can’t get along, let’s leave this sisterhood.” I was so devastated, heartbroken and lost.
So from that day on I decided not to talk to her like I used to. She is staying in another country and I am in my home country. I really love her. I don’t even want bad things to happen to her. But those words keep echoing in my head. What should I do?
– Concerned sister
Dear sister: Your sister’s reaction was so extreme; I wonder if the little fight actually felt small to her. It’s possible that she was overreacting, or was in a heightened emotional state, but proposing to end your relationship suggests that this conflict has a longer backstory that needs to be resolved.
In the same vein, you were so hurt that you accepted her proposal. That also suggests that this was the tip of an iceberg of bruised feelings between the two of you. So, what’s really going on?
Whatever underlies the argument, this doesn’t have to be the end.
If you reach out to her to unpack this, you might be able to break the pattern you’re both in. Try calling if she’ll accept it. Or a letter, if she doesn’t want that.
Start with the core truth: you love her, and you want to fix it. To do this, you need to talk about the ways you were hurt, and you need to open up about the ways she felt hurt. This isn’t easy and it can make both of you feel defensive. But the purpose of the conversation is to get to the question “how do we move forward?” Try to penetrate that. It may take multiple conversations, apologies, and adjustments. But hopefully you can get to the point where you feel safe enough to take permanent divorce off the table.
Read more Erik asks And other advice columns.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him further Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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- the-art-of-negotiation
- the-role-of-innovation
- city-prepares-for-annual-festival
- city-council-approves-new-parks-and-recreation
- the-benefits-of-a-good-night-sleep
- tips-for-effective-teamwork
- the-importance-of-communication
- local-chamber-of-commerce-announces-new-programs
- the-fascination-with-history
- world-health-organization-launches-global-vaccine-campaign
- the-basics-of-home-improvement
- citizens-protest-against-unfair-practices
- the-importance-of-resilience
- tips-for-improving-your-communication-skills
- the-impact-of-technology-on-jobs
- lessons-from-nature
- adventures-in-wonderland
- city-implements-new-recycling-program
- understanding-the-biology-of-life
- historic-landmark-restoration-project-gets-funding
- new-app-promises-to-revolutionize-personal-finance
- learning-a-new-language
- how-to-improve-your-writing-skills
- city-prepares-for-annual-sports-event
- local-high-school-wins-state-championship-in-sports
- understanding-human-emotions
- the-importance-of-community-involvement
- understanding-the-basics-of-history
- community-shines-a-light-on-diversity
- the-art-of-negotiation
- the-rise-of-e-commerce
- exploring-different-cultures
- understanding-the-biology-of-life
- new-initiatives-support-mental-health-awareness
- climate-change-protests-sweep-across-cities
- local-groups-advocate-for-better-road-infrastructure
- international-relations-take-new-turn
- the-role-of-culture-in-identity
- mastering-the-art-of-public-speaking
- city-announces-new-public-art-project
- new-discoveries-in-space-research-announced
- new-research-on-urban-agriculture
- understanding-the-economy
- health-officials-urge-vaccination-amid-outbreak
- the-importance-of-heritage
- new-study-examines-impacts-of-technology-on-youth
- creating-a-sustainable-lifestyle
- how-to-support-mental-health
- tips-for-strengthening-your-relationships
- the-history-of-science-and-technology
- the-history-of-television
- understanding-the-art-of-persuasion
- the-benefits-of-music-education
- how-to-create-a-vision-board
- the-history-of-technology
- strategies-for-boosting-your-creativity
- the-importance-of-friendship
- the-mystery-of-the-ocean
- exploring-the-nature-of-love
- new-initiatives-promote-sustainable-living
- breakthrough-in-renewable-energy-technology
- tech-company-unveils-innovative-product
- new-policies-introduced-for-public-safety
- the-science-of-climate
- new-study-examines-impacts-of-technology-on-youth
- travel-destinations-to-visit
- new-poll-finds-shifting-attitudes-on-climate-change
- how-to-manage-stress-effectively
- the-joy-of-giving
- the-challenges-of-global-warming
- the-value-of-experience
- the-essentials-of-financial-literacy
- community-gathers-to-support-victims-of-violence
- cultural-exchange-programs-strengthen-ties
- the-beauty-of-nature
- the-essentials-of-networking
- youth-activists-speak-out-on-climate-action
- city-hosts-annual-clean-energy-summit
- exploring-the-world-of-theater
- community-responds-to-natural-disaster
- community-comes-together-for-disaster-relief
- tips-for-developing-empathy
- building-a-healthy-work-life-balance
- local-authorities-implement-safety-measures
- new-funding-available-for-startups-in-region
- the-heart-of-an-artist
- new-trends-in-sustainable-living
- city-announces-plans-for-new-parks
- residents-push-for-more-green-spaces
- the-fascination-with-psychology
- understanding-the-digital-world
- new-study-examines-impacts-of-technology-on-youth
- the-importance-of-environmental-conservation
- new-research-on-sustainable-agriculture
- discovering-new-hobbies
- community-gathers-to-support-local-artists
- the-role-of-history-in-education
- breaking-news-from-the-capital
- the-impact-of-emotional-wellbeing
- city-hosts-annual-clean-energy-summit
- new-research-highlights-importance-of-exercise
- health-experts-advise-on-nutrition
- local-authorities-implement-safety-measures
- the-art-of-negotiation
- the-benefits-of-yoga
- city-council-approves-new-development-plan
- the-benefits-of-mindfulness
- the-benefits-of-traveling
- the-benefits-of-collaborative-learning
- new-research-on-education-reform
- community-comes-together-for-beach-cleanup
- health-officials-urge-caution-during-holiday-season
- the-benefits-of-having-a-mentor
- city-officials-discuss-infrastructure-improvements
- the-role-of-collaboration-in-innovation
- citizens-demand-action-on-pollution
- understanding-climate-change
- how-to-develop-good-habits
- local-artists-showcase-their-work
- health-officials-discuss-importance-of-nutrition
- the-fascinating-world-of-biology
- local-activists-fight-for-social-justice
- how-to-improve-your-negotiation-skills
- health-officials-encourage-healthy-lifestyles
- the-impact-of-science
- city-officials-discuss-infrastructure-improvements
- the-art-of-listening
- new-safety-regulations-for-public-events
- new-art-exhibition-showcases-emerging-artists
- city-council-discusses-new-zoning-laws
- the-impact-of-globalization
- scientists-unveil-groundbreaking-research
- creative-writing-prompts
- local-cuisine-featured-in-international-food-festival
- the-impact-of-social-issues-on-economics
- local-artists-showcase-work-in-exhibition
- world-health-organization-launches-global-vaccine-campaign
- how-to-improve-your-negotiation-skills
- local-farmers-innovate-to-combat-drought
- new-bill-introduced-to-address-climate-change
- local-nonprofit-works-to-end-homelessness
- city-announces-initiative-for-youth-empowerment
- city-officials-announce-new-resources
- local-sports-league-grows-in-popularity
- exploring-world-cultures
- community-engagement-initiatives-gain-traction
- youth-activists-lead-march-for-social-justice
- the-importance-of-empathy
- the-power-of-forgiveness
- the-impact-of-global-health-issues
- the-role-of-education-in-personal-growth
- new-art-installation-unveiled-in-park
- how-to-start-a-business
- how-to-create-a-successful-business-plan
- new-gaming-technology-revolutionizes-entertainment
- city-launches-initiative-for-small-businesses
- new-research-explores-relationship-between-technology-and-society
- youth-activists-lead-march-for-social-justice
- overcoming-fear-and-anxiety
- exploring-the-world-of-podcasts
- local-schools-implement-new-curriculum
- new-safety-regulations-for-public-events
- new-app-promotes-environmental-awareness
- strategies-for-personal-growth
- the-benefits-of-reading
- the-essentials-of-success
- understanding-the-basics-of-philosophy
- how-to-develop-a-positive-company-culture
- strategies-for-effective-leadership
- the-impact-of-social-issues-on-economics
- tech-startup-receives-multi-million-dollar-funding
- the-importance-of-empathy
- how-to-stay-motivated-in-challenging-times
- new-exhibit-opens-at-local-museum
- the-fascination-with-astronomy
- tips-for-developing-a-healthy-lifestyle
- the-importance-of-diversity-in-workplace
- citizens-get-involved-in-local-government
- scientists-discover-new-species-in-amazon-rainforest
- the-future-of-work-in-the-digital-age
- navigating-the-job-market
- local-groups-advocate-for-environmental-protection
- historic-landmark-restoration-project-gets-funding
- strategies-for-boosting-your-creativity
- researchers-develop-new-method-for-water-purification
- major-city-launches-green-initiative
- the-benefits-of-regular-exercise-for-health
- local-library-launches-virtual-book-club
- study-finds-link-between-diet-and-mental-health
- local-businesses-implement-sustainability-practices
- tips-for-enhancing-productivity
- the-benefits-of-outdoor-activities
- local-park-renovation-project-completes-ahead-of-schedule
- the-evolution-of-transportation
- citizens-get-involved-in-local-government
- the-importance-of-mental-resilience
- how-to-develop-a-growth-mindset
- understanding-the-biology-of-life
- understanding-the-global-economy
- mastering-the-art-of-cooking
- community-gathers-for-annual-parade
- new-educational-reforms-introduced-in-schools
- building-stronger-relationships
- the-benefits-of-collaboration
- exploring-the-world-of-gaming
- local-scientists-join-global-research-effort
- researchers-study-impact-of-music-on-emotion
- understanding-the-basis-of-human-behavior
- local-artists-advocate-for-public-funding
- the-impact-of-globalization
- discovering-new-horizons
- exploring-different-philosophies
- global-organization-launches-program-for-youth-leadership
- chasing-dreams
- new-healthcare-initiative-promotes-preventative-care
- new-report-examines-urban-development-trends
- understanding-the-economics-of-global-trade
- the-magic-of-festival
- the-benefits-of-reading-books
- how-to-choose-the-right-career
- city-approves-budget-for-infrastructure-improvements
- citizens-advocate-for-better-public-transport
- understanding-climate-change
- the-role-of-sports-in-society
- local-sports-teams-celebrate-victories
- local-brewery-releases-limited-edition-beer
- researchers-explore-benefits-of-urban-gardening
- the-challenges-of-modern-life
- experts-discuss-importance-of-early-childhood-education
- new-exhibit-opens-at-local-museum
- how-to-create-a-work-life-balance
- local-groups-come-together-for-social-justice
- living-a-sustainable-lifestyle
- secrets-of-the-universe
- how-to-develop-leadership-skills
- community-responds-to-natural-disaster
- city-prepares-for-annual-festival
- new-report-on-climate-change-impacts
- the-science-of-emotion
- city-expands-access-to-public-transportation
- understanding-the-importance-of-mental-health
- local-artists-showcase-work-in-exhibition
- scientists-announce-breakthrough-in-quantum-computing
- new-report-highlights-mental-health-concerns
- tips-for-working-from-home
- tips-for-improving-your-public-speaking
- study-links-exercise-to-improved-brain-health
- exploring-the-world-of-cryptocurrency
- navigating-the-job-market
- how-to-write-a-novel
- the-essentials-of-personal-finance
- experts-discuss-importance-of-early-childhood-education
- new-funding-available-for-startups-in-region
- the-role-of-emotional-intelligence
- the-importance-of-gratitude
- the-influence-of-art-on-culture
- how-to-maintain-a-healthy-lifestyle
- the-fascination-with-astronomy
- the-impact-of-social-issues-on-economics
- how-to-develop-effective-habits
- health-experts-urge-vaccination-for-flu
- the-power-of-positive-thinking
- the-benefits-of-collaborative-learning
- the-history-of-music
- the-impact-of-technology-on-jobs
- community-gathers-for-fundraising-event
- the-art-of-effective-communication
- new-art-exhibition-showcases-emerging-local-artists
- international-leaders-gather-for-summit
- the-importance-of-diversity-in-workplace
- the-importance-of-research-in-science
- the-world-of-inventions
- essential-skills-for-successful-leadership
- city-council-discusses-new-zoning-laws
- effective-goal-setting-techniques
- the-role-of-data-in-decision-making
- tips-for-improving-your-writing
- new-data-reveals-trends-in-consumer-behavior
- a-journey-of-discovery
- the-future-of-innovation
- rising-sea-levels-pose-threat-to-coastal-cities
- the-science-of-climate
- art-therapy-helps-children-heal-from-trauma
- city-rejects-proposed-developments
- a-guide-to-healthy-eating-habits
- how-to-create-a-personal-website
- health-benefits-of-exercise
- understanding-the-economy
- local-researchers-publish-study-on-air-pollution
- local-businesses-join-forces-to-support-community
- technology-giant-announces-latest-innovation
- new-initiative-aims-to-reduce-water-waste
- documentary-explores-impact-of-climate-change
- the-impact-of-globalization-on-culture
- city-officials-promise-infrastructure-investments
- gardening-for-beginners
- building-a-healthy-work-life-balance
- historic-bridge-repairs-completed-on-time
- tips-for-improving-your-communication-skills
- city-hosts-annual-clean-energy-summit
- how-to-cultivate-a-growth-culture
- environmentalists-push-for-more-protective-laws
- city-rejects-proposed-developments
- understanding-the-basis-of-economics
- the-importance-of-ethics-in-business
- city-launches-new-recycling-initiative
- the-benefits-of-yoga
- the-joys-of-pet-ownership
- city-launches-initiative-for-sustainable-transportation
- the-impact-of-global-events-on-local-communities
- officials-address-traffic-congestion-issues
- how-to-create-a-healthy-work-life-balance
- police-launch-investigation-into-missing-persons
- developing-leadership-skills
- how-to-build-a-successful-career
- how-to-create-a-work-life-balance
- community-garden-project-brings-people-together
- technology-startup-raises-funding
- new-approaches-to-urban-development
- city-plans-to-expand-bike-lanes-for-safety
- researchers-explore-benefits-of-urban-gardening
- new-research-explores-relationship-between-technology-and-society
- new-trends-in-sustainable-fashion
- tourism-industry-adapts-to-new-norms
- city-partners-with-ngo-to-address-homelessness
- city-announces-plans-for-new-parks
- researchers-develop-new-method-for-water-purification
- understanding-the-fundamentals-of-investing
- understanding-the-fundamentals-of-marketing
- the-challenges-of-modern-life
- city-announces-new-public-art-project
- local-scouts-complete-community-service-project
- scientists-announce-breakthrough-in-quantum-computing
- the-science-behind-addiction
- community-works-together-to-improve-parks
- global-organization-launches-program-for-youth-leadership
- the-importance-of-personal-branding
- new-report-reveals-rising-global-inequality
- local-students-win-awards-in-science-fair
- new-research-shows-benefits-of-meditation
- new-environmental-regulations-aim-to-reduce-emissions
- economy-shows-signs-of-recovery
- new-study-reveals-education-gaps
- how-to-nurture-your-creative-side
- community-garden-project-launches
- how-to-create-meaningful-connections
- new-initiative-promotes-recycling-and-reuse
- the-impact-of-social-media-on-society
- understanding-sustainable-development
- local-charity-works-to-support-families
- the-importance-of-historical-knowledge
- how-to-stay-motivated
- understanding-historical-events
- landmark-court-ruling-challenges-political-narratives
- new-bill-introduced-to-address-climate-change
- understanding-the-importance-of-community
- understanding-the-biology-of-life
- health-experts-discuss-mental-health-awareness
- how-to-build-a-successful-team
- new-study-finds-health-benefits-of-meditation
- major-scientific-discovery-reported
- how-to-develop-good-habits
- the-future-of-sustainable-energy
- the-impact-of-science
- understanding-the-concepts-of-sustainability
- the-importance-of-sustainability
- city-commits-to-reducing-carbon-footprint
- new-report-highlights-mental-health-concerns
- the-benefits-of-collaborative-learning
- the-impact-of-technology-on-the-job-market
- how-to-create-a-personal-website
- the-role-of-technology-in-education
- the-benefits-of-failure-in-entrepreneurship
- local-school-district-implements-new-programs
- the-art-of-decision-making
- the-art-of-negotiation
- the-future-of-sustainable-energy
- international-partnerships-strengthen-global-cooperation
- the-promise-of-renewable-energy
- how-to-effectively-manage-stress
- understanding-the-basics-of-ai
- the-essentials-of-mindfulness
- understanding-the-basics-of-coding
- global-initiative-launches-to-reduce-plastic-waste
- new-research-explores-impact-of-telecommuting
- new-policies-introduced-to-support-education
- the-future-of-innovation
- city-embarks-on-urban-renewal-project
- virtual-conference-explores-future-of-education
- the-challenges-of-global-warming
- the-future-of-education
- the-science-of-dreams
- exploring-the-importance-of-communication
- how-to-develop-a-customer-centric-approach
- the-joys-of-cooking-with-family
- new-research-explores-impact-of-telecommuting
- city-launches-campaign-for-public-health
- the-future-of-work
- new-report-reveals-rising-global-inequality
- the-importance-of-ethical-leadership
- the-magic-of-architecture
- athletes-advocate-for-social-change
- citizens-push-for-more-transparency-in-government
- a-guide-to-mental-health
- jumps-over-the-lazy-dog
- the-role-of-art-in-society
- tips-for-a-successful-startup
- new-trends-in-sustainable-living
- the-joy-of-mentorship
- understanding-the-basics-of-psychology
- rising-stars-in-the-music-industry
- how-to-create-lasting-habits
- the-culture-of-diversity
- the-value-of-mentorship
- understanding-the-economics-of-global-trade
- community-efforts-lead-to-improvements
- how-to-build-resilience
- community-responds-to-natural-disasters
- new-report-highlights-transportation-challenges
- new-art-exhibition-showcases-emerging-local-artists
- local-sports-teams-celebrate-victories
- city-prepares-for-annual-parade
- city-extends-curfew-for-safety
- local-businesses-implement-sustainability-practices
- the-beauty-of-crafts
- citizens-come-together-for-disaster-relief
- how-to-develop-critical-thinking-skills
- citizens-come-together-for-disaster-relief
- how-to-improve-your-negotiation-skills
- new-report-highlights-transportation-challenges
- adventures-in-wildlife
- community-theater-production-empowers-local-talent
- new-research-explores-relationship-between-technology-and-society
- innovative-ideas-for-small-businesses
- major-scientific-discovery-reported
- how-to-improve-your-writing-skills
- tips-for-effective-communication
- the-science-of-learning
- breakthrough-in-cancer-research-promises-hope
- the-importance-of-physical-fitness
- local-events-promote-community-engagement
- local-entrepreneurs-honored-for-innovation
- the-beauty-of-architecture
- local-high-school-launches-robotics-program
- cities-implement-new-public-transportation-systems
- new-funding-available-for-startups-in-region
- exploring-the-psychology-of-advertising
- local-sports-teams-celebrate-victories
- new-research-on-climate-resilience
- city-council-discusses-housing-affordability
- breaking-news-on-global-warming
- public-health-officials-warn-of-flu-season
- community-gathers-for-fundraising-event
- the-impact-of-globalization
- the-joy-of-mentorship
- embracing-change-and-growth
- a-world-of-possibilities
- citizens-advocate-for-better-public-transport
- public-transportation-upgrades-in-the-works
- historic-battlefield-preserved-for-future-generations
- local-culture-promoted-through-arts
- understanding-the-climate-crisis
- international-artists-collaborate-on-new-exhibition
- the-joy-of-giving
- the-benefits-of-a-good-night-sleep
- city-announces-new-public-health-campaign